A part of my memories

Nice weather today, so I took a short walk outside my office during lunch. Realised that my office is SO very near the part of SGH where my Grandpa spent his last days.

Thought I recognised the foodcourt where we had our meals when we visited him. The one where the family sat down together after one of the worst days when we received some bad news, everyone too tired to utter a single word. Most of our eyes were swollen from crying much, too much.

Dad bought me my favourite yam paste.

I recalled just a few moments ago when I whispered to the semi-conscious Grandpa while holding his hand,
"外公，你一定要好ok? 我要你再带我们去南安。" (南安's my Grandpa's hometown in China. Beautiful countryside.)
I didn't let myself cry then. If he saw that, he would lose hope, and we didn't want him to lose hope. Come to think of it now, it must have been hard on him. I read a story before that describes a similar situation. Patients who are terminally ill suffer when they hold on, and they do it mostly for the people who want them to hold on.

My favourite yam paste didn't help. I just started sobbing. Dad didn't know what to do. It's those times when you feel like you are willing to give anything to exchange for a very very important person. Recalling now, that might have been my transition into the more tearful-me.

I miss the times when 外公 got us roast duck drumstick rice for lunch, and acted as if it's no big deal when we thanked him SO happily it became too mushy for his comfort.

I miss the way 外公 said, "Aiya, diam diam lah!" whenever I told him to not smoke so much.

I miss the car 外公 used to drive us to school everyday although it reeked of cigarette smoke smell.

I miss the big big ang ku kuehs 外公 always bought during festive occasions.

I miss the sound of 外公 dragging and slapping his brown rubber slippers wherever he went.

I miss seeing 外公 being hospitable to everyone at wedding banquets of his nieces and nephews, and acting as if it's his son/daughter getting married.

I miss the way 外公 chided me whenever I went to his house late, because I forgot about the time while playing volleyball in school, so that he would have to have late dinner after driving me home.

I miss the way 外公 and 外婆 always squabbled, even over the smallest matters. Nope, old folks don't tease each other. They really argue, but this pair's one of the gentlest around I'm sure.

If only I don't have to write all these in past tense.

When I really saw the foodcourt there just now, I thought I was going to start tearing. Of course I didn't. Funny how sometimes you can recall such vivid details and still feel it so much, even if it's already been a few years since. It's like a boomerang. You thought you've thrown it far far away, but it returns when you're unaware, hits you and causes pain.

Oh well, at least I was the grand-daughter of one of the best 外公s for 16 years.

Blogging really brings about closure. I shall start on my latest task now: Search for comics for my boss's presentation on Monday.
FUN hor?