Death of the Condor Heroes
Having re-enacted their romantic life story for countless times in the numerous versions of The Condor Heroes, the couple finally died today. No bluff. I witnessed it. To be honest, I did it.
I couldn’t help it. As usual I was messing around with my keyboard when DumbAssFly (You know, those which are always stupidly flying around aimlessly and end up wingless within a minute?) Number1 aka 小龙女 came along. She kept trying to show off her 玉女剑法in front of me, flying around my keyboard and occasionally crawling around the keys. I tried to blow her away. I swear cockroaches are the only insects I kill intentionally and proudly. No pesticides used, just pure physical brutality, with the squishy sound.
I believe that even insects have family members at home waiting for them to return for dinner, that’s why I never kill them. This is also what I tell little children, like my tuition kids, by the way.
Ok, so anyway, I persuaded 小龙女 a few times (as in, really talk to her) and blew her away for like, 3 times. But that girl kept returning. So I changed tactics and tried to flick her away with my fingers. Alas, I’m so gentle that I accidentally squashed her with my fingernails. It really wasn’t on purpose. She was left struggling at one end of my keyboard.
Then, along came 杨过. After a tedious journey through half my keyboard to rescue his 龙儿, I saw him. I know you must be wondering, how come I know that the bug just now was 小龙女 and this time around it’s 杨过.
No, I didn’t ask him, because I know he wouldn’t answer. But he kept crawling across my fingers when he reached where my fingers were. Why are guys so ham sup and unfaithful I also don’t know. Got such a 正点 girlfriend like 龙儿 already still want to attract my attention.
So I pointed to 小龙女 and told him, “Wah lao! Your 龙儿 is over there, DYING! At least go over right now and try giving her some CPR. Maybe still got hope.”
But DumbAssFlies are truly DumbAssFlies. I thought insects have feelers to feel their way around? Wah lao, tolong use your feelers to get to 龙儿 lah! Anyway, he didn’t use the directions I gave him but continued to harass me. As a result, I tried to flick him away again, this time taking note to do it more gently so that he will not suffer like his 龙儿.
*sighs* He was still slightly crushed, just like 龙儿. I think it’s all predestined because he was a ham sup DumbAssFly. Even if he’s 杨过 the DumbAssFly, so what? Guys out there, take this as a case study. Being ham sup will only earn you heavenly punishments.
Anyway, I’m typing this with the deepest regret possible. They were, afterall, great heroes and idolised by many. I gave them a decent burial in the trash bin in my house, always to be remembered.
Oh, by the way, shortly after 杨过 and 小龙女 died, another DumbAssFly came along. Since both 杨过 and 小龙女 don’t have families, I’m speculating that one of them may be having an affair.
What’s up with the world nowadays? Even worms don’t have morals.
Author of 神雕侠侣 （虫虫版），
Hanxiang
I couldn’t help it. As usual I was messing around with my keyboard when DumbAssFly (You know, those which are always stupidly flying around aimlessly and end up wingless within a minute?) Number1 aka 小龙女 came along. She kept trying to show off her 玉女剑法in front of me, flying around my keyboard and occasionally crawling around the keys. I tried to blow her away. I swear cockroaches are the only insects I kill intentionally and proudly. No pesticides used, just pure physical brutality, with the squishy sound.
I believe that even insects have family members at home waiting for them to return for dinner, that’s why I never kill them. This is also what I tell little children, like my tuition kids, by the way.
Ok, so anyway, I persuaded 小龙女 a few times (as in, really talk to her) and blew her away for like, 3 times. But that girl kept returning. So I changed tactics and tried to flick her away with my fingers. Alas, I’m so gentle that I accidentally squashed her with my fingernails. It really wasn’t on purpose. She was left struggling at one end of my keyboard.
Then, along came 杨过. After a tedious journey through half my keyboard to rescue his 龙儿, I saw him. I know you must be wondering, how come I know that the bug just now was 小龙女 and this time around it’s 杨过.
No, I didn’t ask him, because I know he wouldn’t answer. But he kept crawling across my fingers when he reached where my fingers were. Why are guys so ham sup and unfaithful I also don’t know. Got such a 正点 girlfriend like 龙儿 already still want to attract my attention.
So I pointed to 小龙女 and told him, “Wah lao! Your 龙儿 is over there, DYING! At least go over right now and try giving her some CPR. Maybe still got hope.”
But DumbAssFlies are truly DumbAssFlies. I thought insects have feelers to feel their way around? Wah lao, tolong use your feelers to get to 龙儿 lah! Anyway, he didn’t use the directions I gave him but continued to harass me. As a result, I tried to flick him away again, this time taking note to do it more gently so that he will not suffer like his 龙儿.
*sighs* He was still slightly crushed, just like 龙儿. I think it’s all predestined because he was a ham sup DumbAssFly. Even if he’s 杨过 the DumbAssFly, so what? Guys out there, take this as a case study. Being ham sup will only earn you heavenly punishments.
Anyway, I’m typing this with the deepest regret possible. They were, afterall, great heroes and idolised by many. I gave them a decent burial in the trash bin in my house, always to be remembered.
Oh, by the way, shortly after 杨过 and 小龙女 died, another DumbAssFly came along. Since both 杨过 and 小龙女 don’t have families, I’m speculating that one of them may be having an affair.
What’s up with the world nowadays? Even worms don’t have morals.
Author of 神雕侠侣 （虫虫版），
Hanxiang
posted by hanxiang at 8:23 PM
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