Post-CNY trauma

Current status: Single, without kids and having a terrible headache. Ok, like, why is the world around me spinning?

Current emotional state: Absolutely lovely. Hmm, I mean bad. Ok fine, quite mixed up. Gosh, my stomach feels mixed up too. Can I throw up? OMG. Argh. Ah. Oh. Ecks! *faints*

Current weight: 2kilograms more than what I weighed before Chinese New Year.

Current dislikes: 4th aunties and Biscuits&Chocolates&BaKwa&PrawnRolls&.. basically FOOD (*throws up*).

Current desires: Spend my money on a keyboard and a new pair of ballball shoes, go ktv-ing, play volleyball, babies and sever ties with my 4th auntie for looking down on me.

Ok, I'm over-dramatising things abit. Just happens that I'm currently in my moment.

Now, I'm going to explain all that I've written above. You'll need some time to link them altogether ya?

Firstly, YES! I'm single and without kids. Single I nevermind, really. But NO KIDS?! What do you mean no kids?! At the miserable age of twenty-*toot* (Censored for the benefit of all mankind. You don't want to hear how miserable I am.)

Ok fine, actually it's not all that sad to not have kids too, BUT, guess what? My 4th auntie had to miserable-ise me on the 2nd day of Chinese New Year.

"Eh, still not attached?"
Before I could even reply and try (even though it's pointless) to defend myself ('cause it's true I'm single), she pointed at me and spoke in my cousin's (21/m. Recall MIRC.) direction,
"Aiya, this kind of girl got guy dare to want meh? HOR HOR?" *makes kiam pa face*

I realised then that it's going to be a one-way whacking session and so I chose to just sit there quietly and act demure. In any case, she might just start to doubt herself and think that she had just wrongly accused me of something I'm not guilty of.

But NO! People in our family don't let each other off so easily. See! I can't be blamed for being violent ok? I'm conditioned to be like this. *very sad*

Then my 4th auntie says, "Aiya, wo kan ni suan le lah."

WAH! That's it mann! If I still didn't retaliate, I would have been letting the entire human race down can?

So I said, "FINE! You still prepare one ang pao for me next year! I give to my kid! I tell you, I will get married by the end of this Chinese New Year and give birth to a baby. PROMISE!"

I think nobody can perform better than me at committing suicide.

Anyway, my cousin lagi best.

Cousin said, "Yeah! Then you have to give me ang pao!"

I was super stunned, but it's Hanxiang he's trying to mess around with. Not so easy!

"No way. I will get married, have a kid and get divorced in one single year. Hello, brother! What generation is this? Everything has to be done with speed already ok?"

Cousin was stunned even more than super.

Round 1, I win.

But I was shortly KO-ed in the second round. Cousin started to comment about me not knowing how to cook. HELLO!? I KNOW HOW TO COOK, CAN OR NOT?

"Aiya, come and learn lah. You need to learn 'cause you confirm don't know how to cook one right?"

"HELLO!? I KNOW HOW TO COOK, CAN OR NOT?" Paiseh, I just have to repeat this 'cause I know it's unbelieveable.

Cousin at that point of time was arranging some food on a plate and I saw my chance to fight back.

"Haha! People who can do all those linglinglonglong like arranging food on a dish normally won't know how to cook. Hey, you really know how to bai swee swee the food leh!" *happy*

You feel I'm winning right?
You're wrong.
'Cause eventually, he dealt me his final blow.

"Eh, are you always the only girl among your guy friends?"
"Huh? No leh, why?"
"'Cause you're very brother what!" *pounds chest*

Wah.. I tell you, he pounded HIS chest, but the pain was on ME. *super pain*

Not that I don't like to be a brother to my friends, just that being a brother to my guy friends and what I promised my auntie earlier are such an explosive combination that I felt like dying there and then.

Ban lak, bridge, cua dai dee, 4D, Toto.. anything also can lose. But FACE CANNOT LOSE!

Somebody please teach me how I can keep to my promise.

Ok. If, by the 15th day of Chinese New Year I don't find my husband, I shall go buy a sperm from the hospital.
How much does Andy Lau's cost each ah?

Yup, so this is why I'm in a horrible mood.

As for why I'm feeling happy, well, that's because I gained only 2kgs instead of 5,10 or 50 kgs over this festive season although I ate super alot.

I'm MAN, so when I say I ate alot, it's really alot. A man has a man's appetite ok?

Yup, I guess that's why I'm feeling sick.

But then again, I had fun during our project discussion this morning. I don't know why. Credits to Chinese New Year!

Project discussion on Chu San and I'm happy.
I told you I'm messed up.

Anyway, it's back to the old life now. Good thing is that the money's in. Now's the time to get myself a good keyboard and a pair of good shoes. YAY!

Hmm.. Just for my reader's information, I have 2 choices:
1) Get a husband and produce a baby from scratch. As for the divorce, I shall weigh the pros and cons of staying married before I decide.
2) Get hold of one of Andy Lau's sperm. Erm, if you're wondering, I'll only accept Andy Lau's sperm. Yes, I am very gei gao. Spend money of course must get the best lah!

Please tag which one you think is a better choice.

Oh yes, before I forget. There's a 3rd choice, that's to sever ties with my 4th auntie once and for all and threaten to throw her shoes out the window if she dares enter my house next year.

Ok, your kindest advice please!
(Will post a photo of my very interesting 4th auntie in my next post.)


Yours,
Hanxiang the mummy-wannabe.