On MC.

I always tell my friends, "People who have not experienced asthma will never really understand how it feels".

It's like what I read in a book teaching meditation - that to explain the feeling of attaining the transition into a higher state of mind in meditation is like explaining what the colours look like to a person born blind.

So, last night and the night before that, I had difficulty sleeping.

The night before was just heavy wheezing and scaring my siblings with it.

Last night was the big one. I thought I was going to die. Even my mum thought I was going to die and refused to go sleep until I did. I couldn't even force air into my lungs. It just stops, like my throat has constricted so much I can no longer breathe.

Can you imagine this happening to you when breathing is exactly what you do to keep living?

I'm against taking English medicine. Even Chinese medicine I normally avoid if I can get well naturally. But yesterday I was forced to take the pills the doctor gave me for asthma because I couldn't breathe. I cannot die, because everyone loves me so much!

My colleagues tell me things like, "It's ok, rest well. We will back you up!"
Friends text me things likes, "You're on MC ah? Kinda miss your emails at work."
My Papa and Mama lose sleep seeing me breathing like an old cow.
My siblings help tuck me under the blanket when I kick it away.

So I told myself, "CHX, don't die don't die, please don't die." And whenever I started dozing off probably because of the drowsiness caused by the asthma pill, I wake up and start taking in breaths as deep as I can manage. Afraid that I'll give up breathing if I fall asleep.

So here I am, on my 4th day of medical leave and awaiting the sack from my company. HAHA.

And I just read in the newspapers that two more Korean artistes have committed suicide. What the hell.